Times tables blues

3 times 3 is 9. 4 times 12 is 48. These are the facts of life, and they got me down. I got the times tables blues somethin' awful, and the only respite for the pain in my heart-organ is a tall glass of mineral water. Why, there's one now!

I get in a taxy. "Follow that glass of mineral water!"

"The tall one?" asks the taxy driver.

"No, the short one." I sarcastically reply, rolling my eyes like dice in a cup. But the taxy driver doesn't catch my sarcasm and he follows the wrong glass of mineral water. Therefore the times tables blues haunt me forever. DAM THAT TAXY!

A Message For The Future Josh

I don't know anyone named Josh, but in the future I might. When that day comes, hopefully this message will bring him tidings of joy and make him feel like every day is spring cleaning in his soul.

Wutup Josh, how's it going. I'm feeling good, how about you? Thanks. Nice weather we're having, isn't it? Marvin Gaye is soul with a capital S.

Sincerely, Jonah Heman